My trip back to Saudi yesterday may be a prelude to the kind of existence I will have on my return: I was bored, sleepless, sad but remained hopeful throughout the flight.

Yesterday, I lounged outside the Manila Airport longer than necessary secretly hoping that my father would phone me to say that he won the Megalotto and that I don't need to return to Saudi anymore. The call didn't come.

While outside the airport, I silently mingled with crescent-faced OFW's and their families: some taking photographs of each other, others just lulling away time waiting for their flight's final call, most on the phone giving final instructions on how to handle the unruly kids, how to budget the finances, how the newly-purchased house shall be paid, how to deal with in laws, etc.

(I can't help but be envious of those other Filipinos who leave the country for pleasure than for business. I hope to one day leave Manila because I'm traveling to Hongkong for Disneyland or to Thailand for some shopping. I'm remorsed that I'm leaving the Philippines for Saudi Arabia so my family can have a decent life. Count your blessings, son, I'm hearing my goodself tell me; most Filipinos are dying to leave abroad for work!).

An hour before the flight, I went inside to queue at the Immigration, then finally at the gate where my flight's assigned.

The trip was arduously long and the flight menu was, as expected, bland. Around me were faces of eager first timers and not-so-eager Saudi OFW returnees.

When we arrived in Bahrain, a shiveringly cold wind greeted us. I was expecting a long wait at the Saudi Immigration in King Fahd Causeway but we crossed the Bahrain/Saudi border surprisingly fast. I arrived very early and dozed off as soon as I had a hot bath.

I lightly slept and, in the morning, I didn't feel well-rested at all. A hot bath didn't help either.

Just when I thought nothing would spike up my day, I remembered those moments while on vacation where I keep muttering to myself: I am happy.

Flashback: Philippines, December 2008.

I was playing the computer and when I looked out the window, I saw a bird building its nest on our mango tree. I muttered, I'm happy.

Or that New Year lunch where my family was glib-talking about nothing in the midst of bulalo and grilled tilapia wrapped in banana leaves. I muttered, I'm happy.

Or seeing our two puppies huddled together in the corner of the house because it was cold outside. I muttered to myself, I'm happy.

Or the thank you's of those children singing carols outside our gate and I heard them asking one another: magkano'ng ibinigay? Barat! It brought a smile in me.

Or hearing my poor cousins say that they remain hopeful in the middle of their poverty, I muttered I'm happy.