Our lunch conversations in the office always take different turns.

Today, I was discussing with my officemates the post of Niqabi and Kenjie about being untrue (what's the English of being 'plastik', can anyone help me?) and rumor-mongering.

I asked them: why do people, Filipinos in particular, love rumours and name calling?

Here are my mirror conversations on the topic.

Why are Filipinos so wont of rumours and name calling?
Because we're a very insecure race.

No, we're not. We just happen to be fun loving people.
And it's rooted to...where? Insecurity! You're so insecure that you derive satisfaction in knowing that other people's conditions are far worse than your sorry life.


That hurts. I thought you like it that they call you Snow.
I don't know why they call me that when it's so clear that I'm not white-skinned. Insulting!

If you feel insulted, why do you call Indians Itik, or the Saudis as Katutubo or the Saudi religious police as Mutya?
Because...(thinks hard)...I don't have an answer. And it's not as mean-spirited as the way you tag your fellow kababayans. Lilet (short for lilitsunin for the fat-figured), Guwrangler (for all the old people), Chugi (for the ugly), etc.

Because it's fun.
Without consideration of others?

Because it's...because it's...Why are so being clean?! As if you didn't enjoy watching the bahay ni Kuya (PBB).
I didn't. There's just nothing else to watch, that's all.

Admit it. A conversation is dull if it's not about other people. And name calling is such an art!
Art my ass! It is maybe true that we enjoy conversations about other people but that doesn't mean it's right. No matter how you put it, it is wrong and it's vicious!

So what is there to discuss then if not about other people?
Issues. Your own life. Economics. Religion!

(Rolls his eyes) But wouldn't it be a bore?! I might as well just play games in the computer.
It is a bore but at least your conscience is clear.

(Whispers) But I don't feel sorry talking about other people's lives.
That's because you're already a callous person!

(In defense) No, I'm not. I'm just being a typical fun-loving Filipino.
(Swaggers his finger) Don't generalize. There are still righteous Filipinos around!

(Scoofs) ...in Vatican waiting to be canonized!
(Thinks) There are still other righteous Filipinos, I know. We are not a hopeless case. We...are...not...hopeless.

Aaayyy, the soap! It fell in the toilet bowl!
Oopps! (Looks sadly at the Dove soap). No sense saving you...sorry.

If you won PHP 100 million from PCSO Lotto, how will you spend your winnings?

This was the topic of our conversations the other day with my Filipino officemates.

Popular choices were a franchise from either McDonalds or Jollibee or long-term time deposit in the bank.

Someone planned to put up a foundation so he could offer free college education to deserving students. Sort of study-now, sponsor-someone-else-later. Or something like that.

[...Now may I ask: what will you do with your PHP 100 million?...]

Sorry, you can no longer run in the Philippine presidential elections because Ed of The Sandbox has beaten you to it. Besides we're talking only of one hundred million, not one billion!

Moi drew those graphics in my PEBA entry. An eight-year old Moi.

He's not my nephew although I have nephews (from my maternal cousins) who look like him. My mother even surmised a nephew from a distant cousin will grow up LIKE him. I don't want to know what my mother means.

The kid dreamt of becoming a lot of things: a lawyer, a doctor, a teacher, as most kids dreamt of being when they grow up.

People are divided in claiming that he's a good-looking lad but in my opinion, he's being kind-hearted shadows whatever ugliness that is in him.

Others claim that he is talented person.

Perhaps.

I sometimes find him weird because he weaves a lot of ideas in his mind but ends up doing nothing. His choice of colors sometimes turns me off. He claims he likes earth colors but ends up using pastels.

What a person of contradiction!

Oh, we converse every so often! Sometimes an eight year old has more decent (and coherent) things to say than a grown up.

My friends like him once in a while but his being an eight-year old sometimes turns off some people.

He writes well. At least on that aspect we agree. Although there are a few occasions that I despise what he's writing. I mean, he's being 'too-safe' when I knew he could be very opinionated about some issues, about some people.

As I said, he was eight when he drew my PEBA entry. Although he is eight most of the time (so childish I mean!), in reality, he is no longer a kid.

The fact is: in later years, he'll end up living far from his family.

The fact is: in later years, he'll grow up to be an OFW like probably the most of you reading this post.

The fact is: we share the same name. The same soul.


There's one thing I know: I will forever love the eight-year old in me. Because, unlike my current self now, the young Nebz is forever hopeful, unafraid, always filled with dreams and pure in thoughts. (And, for an eight-year old, he draws good, don't you agree?).

Foreword: This is (more or less) a true-to-life narration of where my OFW dollars go. The names of the characters are fictitious (and the way I drew them is very kindergarten-ic -- pardon me!) but, I assure you, their circumstances are all true.

My OFW dollars go straight to the bank located in my hometown.

Most of it gets withdrawn by my family for their daily and emergency needs. Some dollars left in my account are used by the bank for investments: either as loans to Filipinos who want to acquire a house or to purchase a car or for putting up a small business.

Amy has two sons in grade school. My nieces go to that same school where Amy's sons go.

One of them is Sir Peter.

Sir Peter is still single and is taking care of his ailing mother.

Sir Peter buys her mother's medicines from Mercury Drugstore, where my parents also buy their own medicines.

Mang Kaloy has five kids, ages three, five, seven, nine and twelve. His wife, Aling Thelma, sells vegetables in the public market. We are her suki.

Gina has two sons, all grown-ups and studying engineering in college. The sons also want to work abroad but Gina narrates that they have to finish school first before they can do that.

For our groceries, we buy them from Shopwise (I think it's owned by Rustan's).


He finished second year in college and wants to get his degree. He said he dreams of going abroad too. In the meantime, he said, he's saving his Shopwise salary for his education. He is single and ulila.

Every three months, a portion of my dollars go to Sunlife for my pension (hey, I'm getting old and a pension from Sunlife will be a great help when I reach 60 -- many, many years from now!).

Ate Gloria has two kids and his husband is tricycle driver, Kuya Dave.

Kuya Dave (who's gone driving elsewhere that's why he's not in the picture) charges us PHP15 per head from the market place to our home. Costly, but what can we do? That's the tariff imposed by the association of tricycle drivers in our place.

That's where Kuya Dave gets gas for his tricycle. That's where we get our gas too for our small car (which my family only use during Sundays in attending mass).

Speaking of gas, we get our Shellane from Mr Katindig who also sells us rice. My mom said we consume one cavan of rice every month and two Shellanes every three months.

You see, there are a lot of people who benefit -- directly and indirectly -- from my OFW dollars.

Oh, by the way, I think a fraction of my dollars gets back to the government in the form of tax.

Being an OFW in Saudi, I am tax-free. But the likes of Aling Thelma, Mang Kaloy, Ate Gina and Kuya Dave are not. So in a way, a portion of my OFW dollars goes to the government.

Based on recent reports, the Philippine Government employs 501,188 public school teachers (PDI 05 July 2009), more than 110,000 police, more than 17,000 elected officials (from barangay councilors to senators) and a partridge in a pear tree.

(Note: The numbers quoted above were taken from the National Statistical Coordination Board. Except, of course, the partridge.)

Who else?...
So you see, my OFW dollars go a long, long, long way. It gives people jobs and it helps some children get their education. My OFW dollars, in ways, mobilize the economy of my beloved Philippines.

Here's actually how I view myself:
Just kidding.

To them who call me a hero, I, with all humility, blushingly say:



Post-publication notes:

• This article was published in the website of Kakkampi (Kapatiran para sa Karapatan at Kaunlaran ng Manggagawang Pilipino sa Ibayong Dagat). Date of publication: 19 July 2009. Click link.
• Revision note: Post was updated on 20 August 2009.
• Code PBA09oqs3s33 for PBA Best Post.
  

I don't know why someone put this brochure on my desk last Wednesday.

It's from Star International Real Estate (http://www.starrealestate.bh/), an estate realtor.

Since then I've been churning up dreams about this property.

One of these days, I'd have enough money to purchase this property in New Zealand.

Or better yet...

One of these days, I'd have enough money to turn a Philippine soil into someting like this.

As promised, here are the photos I took during my very short leave in the Philippines.













Because some insisted...here goes Exhibit A of Case Number 39-31-25 otherwise known as Public Indecency Act (for appearing as a woman-breasted man with lovehandles -- very, very gross!).


I'm so shameless.

Warning: I may be drunk when I decided to post this.

I've been wanting to shed off my belly fats because it's so un-sexy. But because I'm lazy, I instead derive personal satisfaction in posting funny emails deriding healthy living and justifying my laziness.

Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer. That's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster.

Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).

Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Aren't fried foods bad for you?
You're not listening! Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Is chocolate bad for me?
Are you crazy? Hello, cocoa beans ! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Is swimming good for your figure?
Is swimming is good for your figure? Explain whales to me.

Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Remember: 'Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming: Woo hoo! what a ride!

Ain't I soooo bitter?

Or maybe too drunk.

(Promise. When I become sober tomorrow, I'll tell you of my short leave).