My mom's eldest sister was buried today. She was 70-something. Her name is Leonara and we fondly called her Auntie Orang.

I wanted to lovingly kid my mother that, being the oldest of her living sisters, she's maybe next but I held my tongue. She's too old to take my humour.

Auntie Orang's death made me re-realize how short life is; how ephemeral everything is.

I dug an old post I made on 13 July 2008 about death and I'm reposting it here.

--13 July 2008 Post--

A first cousin died today due to breast cancer. She was only in her mid-40's. She died poorly and suffering.

This morning when someone texted me about it, I realized that my family members (the maternal part) are dying a slow, long-suffering death.

My maternal grandmother had an injury at the age of 80-something and she was bedridden for more than one year before she succumbed to death. I know for a fact that she suffered.

The eldest of my mother's sisters died of a breast cancer too. Because she was well-off, she managed to last for two years electing to have her two breasts taken off her body. She, too, suffered, I know.

My closest cousin (whom I regard as my sister) had a stroke but managed to recover (although not that well). Her speech was garbled, she walked limply and spent her remaining days joining a religious group. She died poor and suffering, I know.

My other aunt (whom I regard as my second mother) died of cancer. She too suffered because of poverty. I was still fresh out of college that time and was just starting to earn money. Her death made me realize the difficulty of dying poor. I wailed when she died because I was hoping I could give her a decent life that she deserved. She failed to wait for me. What saddened me most is that I failed to give her a decent burial because I lack money. A year after, I went to Saudi. She really should have waited.

This is scary. All the people that I love and care for (especially the women) died in similar manner: long, suffering, painful. I barely know my roots to make me conclude that my family's past is haunting our future.