Wednesday, March 18, 2009
On infidelity: Wives, think like a mistress!
Wives...think like a mistress! Husbands, stop making excuses and stay put!
This post is a first of two series on relationships and on what my personal opinions are about infidelity. (Ha. I'm now into serializing my posts. San ka pa? Actually I thought the article was too long and since my last intent is to bore you, I thought I'd rather do it in series.)Sins of saints
Be a saint. Our mothers aspired us to be this and most wives, especially of OFW's, are secretly hoping their husbands would turn out to be, uh, saintly and faithful.
:: (The difference between being faithful and being loyal is this: you womanize but, at the end of the day, are home with your original wife and kids; that's being loyal. No matter how you wanted to, yet you never venture the anthill of infidelity; that's being faithful). ::
Given the chance however, we would rather sin than do good because sin is exciting, oh-so-good and enjoyable. Those stolen, illicit moments always leave us excited and wanting for more.
And for some reason, the more we claim to be saintly, the more we commit sin. You just don't know what sins I'm committing everyday...BUT, that shouldn't prevent me from imparting whatever little knowledge and resource I have on the issue. Take note, I said 'knowledge and resource', not experience (I'm single at 40 -- okay, 40 plus--, leading a strange life, and although I've been to a few, I'm not into any relationships now).
Here's my take on the issue.
Wives, think like a mistress
That's the only to win the battle of infidelity. You have to learn how mistresses do it, why married men go illicit, and what clicks and what doesn't. Then use the knowledge to your advantage.
Refer to these pointers from BBC on being a mistress. It's a straight-talking article from someone who's been there and done that. In gist, the author said that a succesful mistress...:
Keep it light: Spend time in the effort (to) dress up, turn off your mobile phone, light candles, be in a good mood, make sure he has a good time (if he does, you will too).
Set ground rules: By setting the ground rules, even though a lot of them appear to be disempowering, you will in fact be calling the shots.
Never make phone calls: The big advantage of making him phone you is that when you do talk to each other it is because he wants to talk to you. He will have the time and the privacy, and hopefully nothing else on his mind. You can both enjoy the phone call without any strain or stress.
Never complain, never explain: Keep your own life, let it be quite clear that he is only a part of it.
Don't ask...
Keep the magic alive: Treat every date like one of the first dates. Be sweet, listen and sympathise. Be kind, don't gush, and give him the time for him to talk about that most fascinating of subjects - himself.
Get steamy: Have showers together, have baths together (but) keep all other bathroom activities behind closed doors.
Make a special effort. Exfoliate and moisturise regularly. If you want to be treated like something special, you must be special. If you can massage backs or feet or heads, so much the better. However, there is a difference between rubbing a back and giving a massage, and massage is a skill worth acquiring.
Has her own money: If you can afford to be self-financing, then you retain a lot of power in the relationship.
Never break crockeries.
That's the mistress talking. But wives, you can always get some pointers from her, right? Now that you know the things that make a mistress, you can perhaps apply some of the pointers to yourself. Perhaps, maybe, your man will be a little more saint and a little better husband.
Husbands, stop making excuses; stay put
It's as plain as that. No, actually it's not but I'd be discussing that in the second series of this post. Promise you'll be back.
Reading suggestion:
Pink Tarha's Queer Eye for the Wrong Guy. A funny read on types of Pinoy men here in Saudi.
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nice one nebz!!!
it looks like the movie of maricel"A love story"when does a wife become a mistress and when does a mistress becomes the wife. lol
Pareng Nebz, I'm speechless!
What else can I say? Another great blog.
If I may add, I'll take it from the other side of infidelity... Fidelity, people often say, is a virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed. It spoils every romance by trying to make it last forever... Guess it's true! hahaha.
ayuz...
mmmhhh..tama may difference nga ang being loyal at being faithful...
naalala ko tuloy ang biro ng namayapa kong tatay... "ang babae hindi yan iniiwan, dinadagdagan"...
sigurado ako may kinalaman yan sa pagiging loyal at faithful ng mga lalaki... pero ayuz ang "being a mistress"...kung yan ang mga ways para gumanda ang relationship...bakit hindi subukan ng mga maybahay...
abangan ko ang next entry... :)
wow!
Wow! Interesting place you've got here...
Just a thought...
Naisip ko lang what if mistresses would think as wives? I wonder if wives would still need to think as mistresses. Hmmmm...
napadaan..... :)
'Di kapani-paniwalang ang isang single at 40-plus ay makagagawa ng ganito! Whew! o",)
hintayin ko matapos muna Kuya Nebz bago ako magcomment.. aheks!
interesting kase...
Definitely, aabangan ko ang kasunod :D
Ang tunay kasi na asawa ay yung ginagawa niya ang duties niya sa isat isa as a wife or husband;
LOVE fidelity, respect,a quiet and mild temper...
if a husband is not worth my duties, i wont be his mistress...
And to add, ganda kasi ng topic...
A man loyal to the wife but unfaithful?
how can he keep up.He is not a machine.
one cant love two women at the same time. he will resent the wife and love the mistress.
the best is : oh tukso, layuan mo akoooohhh!
kwidaw.
natawa nman ako sa comment ni
superg. pero narinig ko na rin yon eh..hmmm kanino nga ba ah sa mga
kasamahan ko dito, kc me mga asawa cla sa pinas den dito me gf pag
sinasabihan ko cla ganon din ang dialog nila. "di nman daw nila iiwan ang family nya, dadagdagan lng"....
RJ si nebz nga ito pero di sia mukhang 40, parang 25 nga lang sabi namin ni Mrs. Thoughtskoto. Yan ang nag-aabroad, bumabata, sa isip, sa salita, sa mukha at sa gawa! haha
Nung nakita ka namin nebz, di namin akalain na pwede ka palang marriage 101 counselor.
Pero I always subscribed to this:
Sanctity before Marriage, and Fidelity after Marriage. It will lead to happiness and strong families.
aba ala aga at maricel ang dating..teka ito ba ay true to life stories?
Salamat po sa dalaw ninyo:
Mightydacz: Wala lang. In the mood to be serious e. Para ngang napanood ko rin un na sa ending ko lang nalaman na hindi pala tunay na asawa si Maricel. Un b un?
NJ: Oo nga, madami nga akong nabasa ganun which goes to show na parang fidelity is boring. Is it nga ba?
SuperG: Hehehe. Dinadagdagan talaga.
Josh: Wow talaga?
Oracle: If mistressess would think as wives?...hmmm...magkakagulo siguro.
RJ: Napagtripan lang...
Azel: Sige po.
Francesca: Bakit nga b kasi kapag nasa isang relasyon, para ang dami dami nating nakikita na 'mas' -- mas maganda, mas gwapo, mas attracted tayo. Dahil tulad din ng totoong buhay, the pasture is always greener on the other side...
Angel: Typical namang excuse talaga yan...pero...kapag sa kanila ginawa, hindi b masakit?
Ever: Hindi a. Kathang isip lang ng isang taong walang mai-post. Hehe.