Wednesday, February 24, 2010
I was there once where you are now...it will pass
A friendly advice: Think. Always think before you shell out your hard-earned money to someone.
To a friend who lost SAR13,000 to someone. (Gist of story: He gave money to someone as a business collateral for something. This morning, that someone left his job and went home to the Philippines without notifying anyone about it.)I'll not add salt to your already-wounded, battered soul (and pocket!). I will not say you're the stupidest for what you did. Instead I'll say that everyone is entitled to a little (ugh, costly) mistake. I just can't figure out why you allowed to be manipulated like that. But hey, shit happened.
It's only money. You can earn it. An old friend once told me that the easiest to earn in life is money. You cannot earn respect that easy. You cannot earn praises that easy. You cannot earn experience that easy. But as long as you are employed, you can easily earn money. So when you lose money over something, just think of it as stolen: never to return, but can always be re-earned.
As to the lessons that can be learned from what happened, take it from Hamlet's Polonius who said:
Neither a borrower nor a lender be,
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.
There's a lot to learn from Shakespeare, you see.
And if you want a biblical verse, Proverbs says: Do not be a man who strikes hands in pledge or puts up security for debts; if you lack the means to pay, your very bed will be snatched from under you.
A bit off, but hey, there's a big deal of sense there.
Don't fall in to promises of friends. No matter how close you are now, no matter how many secrets you've shared with one another, your relationships will turn sour as soon as you involve money between you.
I was there in your situation once although not as big an amount as PHP160k. I know you're thinking now of the many things that your money could buy for you, but...stop it! You'll just end up feeling sorrier.
Gather yourself up, my friend, it's only money.
Should you tell your family about it? No. Why allow them to suffer your stupidity? In no way should you intimate to them that you had money problems. You can make any other excuses like your overtime hours were cut, or there was a massive increase in your house rent. Don't let them unnecessarily worry about you. In the first place, letting them worry about you will not solve your problem. You're just dragging more people into your sorry circle.
Let this episode make you a bit wiser, pal.
Same time next year, you'll think of this unemotionally. This will pass, you'll see.
Once I loaned someone here in France 65Kpesos only. I lend her because she is legal here in France, otherwise I wont. Then she was upset about me on something, she said, she will not pay me anymore.
I told her, it is okey. You have signed a piece of paper with witnesses on that loan, and if you dont pay, I will see you in French Police Station.
She forgot about the piece of paper, but I didnt. I even gave her a copy of it, lol
She kept paying me until now.
Sulkingly, of course.
We try to help people by lending our money because we are compassionate of their problems. But make sure, to do it in black and white.Do not hesitate even he or she would say, you dont trust me?Do it thru bank to bank as the transaction is a proof.
I always do it in black and white, because I dont trust the circumstances and the person how she behaves after she gets the money.
Hope your friend recovers the money, it is a huge amount and he work for it.
Really sad. It's difficult to get over, to think all sort of crises just lurk around every corner.
Your encouragement somehow soothes every soul who is and had been into the same situation including me. Tinakasan din ako 600 riyals lng naman.
In this part of the globe, such stories are always heard of among kabayans. I had had my share and the most I lost was friendship, so I guess I learned to be wiser after that.
My husband and I had been into situations when kabayans would borrow money for their visa-s and living expenses and we would out of pity give. Up until now, we still have receivables older than our son. We just wrote them off, and if we someday be paid, we'll be thankful. I just would have to remember that's a small amount compared to another friend's deeds -- nag-ampon ng batang illicitly born here, gave AED3k (half her salary) to a complete stranger at
POLO OWWA, and the list goes on.
Then here's another story, my husband and I had an experience of being asked by a friend to invest in his venture for a fixed monthly interest. Out of greediness I guess, we loaned AED30k to loan out to him. He issued a cheque as security. Months passed and he became bankcrupt. We did not bad-mouth him, instead, we composedly asked to use whatever resources he has until we got paid.
After all these (naku ang haba ng kwento ko, parang naki-eksena sa blogpost, hehe) I'd say that before we give out money, we have to always consider the possibility that the money may not come back to us.
(bloghopped here from kablogs =) )
@Francesca: Sometimes being compassionate is not enough; we should also think of ourselves. Sa laki ng nawala sa kaibigan ko, I think it will not be easy for him to be trustful again.
@NFB: Six hundred could have bought you a decent pair of branded-shoes. Malaki na rin ang nawawala sa aking pera sa pagpapahiram sa iba. I've stopped lending friends money. It really divides the friendship.
@Bevs: Thx for the visit. I visited your site and I'm impressed by your writings. True, we OFWs should be mindful of our finances. Siguro kaya tayo mapagbigay sa iba dahil meron kasi tayong ibibigay. Like what Francesca said, we should be sympathetic of the needs of others, pero I keep saying to my friends that The Holy Bible is specific about giving. We're supposed to give the 'least' of our brothers. Kapag ang nangungutang e only to pay for one's capriciousness, I don't think it's wise. We should always live below our means. Yes, below; not just within, but below.
Excellent advice to your friend, excellent reminder to your readers! Huwaw! o",)
I just want to comment on the final statement, though... why 'after one year'?! 'Tagal naman nu'n. ...say after three months, your unfortunate friend will surely think about it unemotionally.
...hope he can forgive his businessman/manloloko friend.
Nebz, you give good advice. I agree that, as much as it is very difficult for your friend now, it will all pass. What is important is that your friend learns from this painful experience and not repeat it again.
Dagdagan nya lang ng around P20K. Ipapakulata natin sa pinas yung nangutang. >: D
Hello Kuya,
Maraming pagkakaibigan ang nasisira dahil sa pera. Pero may pagkakaibigan din na nasisira dahil sa Kangkong! Yes, that's right! Literal na kangkong dahil hindi lang napagbigyan ang utos niyang bilhan siya ng kangkong. Ayon, hindi na nagparamdam. Alam na siguro niya kung sino sya at cheap lang ang pamantayan niya sa friendship!
Aww sorry to hear your friend's story. Nalulungkot ako para sa kanya. Maganda yung mga payo mo sa kaibigan mo. Teka, parang nabasa ko ito sa POEA forum today, parang balitang balita ata sa Saudi ngayon yan or maybe kaparehas lang ng nai-share ng isang forumer.
Ako meron na ring na-experience na ganyan pero maliit lang naman kumpara sa nawala sa kaibigan mo, ang masakit lang eh pati ang friendship na inalagaan ng mahabang panahon eh nawala rin. Sigh*
just tell your friend, "hindi siya nag-iisa" hehehe, mas malaki pa ang nawala sa amin dyan, just to help a friend actually friends (hindi kasi nadadala ang asawa ko hehehe)....I know it's only money, babalik din sa kanya (sa amin) yun in some other ways as blessings hehehe, either ang tawag doon ay "engot" o "sobrang bait" but I think the first one hehehe
awww...nangyari na sa amin yan. May 1 kasaman kami nung pinapaalis na siya ng may ari (kasi lumabas sya na may kasamang lalaki), saka lang namin nalaman na lahat pala ng nurses e may utang sya. Kaya ingat ingat nalang talaga.
ang laking halaga nun!, pero tama ka ang pagkakaibigang nawala dahil sa nangyari na un mahirap ng ibalik, pero ang pera kaya pang kitain.. ingat nalang talaga sa susunod...
napadaan lang po.. ^^
ang laking halaga nun!, pero tama ka ang pagkakaibigang nawala dahil sa nangyari na un mahirap ng ibalik, pero ang pera kaya pang kitain.. ingat nalang talaga sa susunod...
napadaan lang po.. ^^
This happened to me, too. And to an acquaintance lang that approached me in the church. Naawa ako dahil sa anak nya although I had a haunch that what she was saying was just a script. Anyway, I hoped it helped her kahit small amount lang.