[.. I wish to thank the following for giving me an award and a tag.

From RJ: The Graphology Tag


(NJ, I borrowed your cool graphics).

From Yanah, The Pope and Badong: The Uber Amazing Blog Award


Thank you, thank you, thank you.


Postscript:

A blazing thanks to Lord Dungeon for his 'Nagbabagang Blog' award.


For personal reasons (and please don't ever think that I'm being ungrateful), I decided not to pass on these award and tag to other bloggers. I'm so uncool, I know. ]

Post-postscript:

This post's title was Muchos gracias blog friends but RJ's comment below made me realize that yes, I should have titled this post in Arabic (since I'm in Saudi). And so I did!

(Shukran Jazilan in Arabic means 'thank you very much'. Normally we say afwan in return but a Saudi friend taught me another response: Ala Al Rahab Wasea. You're welcome. Afwan, he said, is 'excuse me' in English. I asked why most people in Saudi say afwan in response to shukran. He said it is also allowable. I didn't press further because I can see that he's about to get a mild headache.)

I've a correction: I'm not a peryodista. I dreamt of becoming one but failed. Here's the story of my now-defunct dream.



To cut the story short, I stayed at the newspaper for a little less than six months and wrote around five articles. Two are below. I was initially given a beat in Mandaluyong (the term 'beat' pertained to a location assignment) under Julie Javellana's guidance (see her blog The World According to Julie).

(I would visit the Mandaluyong Police Station everyday and browse at their police logbook. It's actually like reading a gossip magazine because the logbook contained juicy cases of other people's lives: unpaid debts, womanizing husbands, petty thefts and burglaries, etc. Anything interesting, I pursued).

Two article pursuits

Article 1 in gist: There are these vacant, deteriorating BLISS housing units and around the housing units lived poor Filipinos whose houses were made of cartons and cheap plywood. I asked around why they didn't let the poor occupy the vacant houses. The answer: they cannot afford it.

Update: Haven't visited the place for a long time. I'm sure it's now occupied by the can-afford few; with shanties around it.

Article 2 in gist: Near our place is a pre-historic cave of Angono, unprotected and open to vandalism. I asked around and visited the National Museum where I learned of their plans to improve it, but couldn't because of budgetary constraints.

Update: The cave is now a protected tourist attraction in Angono.

Realization

Reporters are normally paid per column inch. I forgot how much was the rate then. The Angono Cave, for example, has, I think, a total of 12 inches. If say it was fifty pesos per column inch, then the article would have earned me around six hundred.

But you see, it's not everyday that I managed to write lengthy articles. Most of the days, I wrote none. It was a struggle. There were days when I would not want to show up at the Manila Chronicle because I had nothing to report about.

Until finally, I accepted defeat and admitted that newspaper reporting was not for me. And so I looked for and landed a nine-to-five job.

And I lived unhappily ever after. Just kidding.

Lessons learned

The reporting experience taught me three things:

One: That all things have angles. So do people and events. A good reporter finds that angle that makes an ordinary story extraordinary.

Two: That it takes time for a dream to be realized -- time, efforts and a lot of love. (Julie and Malou Mangahas and Ed Lingao are some of those writers that I secretly oogled at the Chronicle hoping to imbibe their journalistic prowess).

Three: Although some dreams cannot be achieved, there are other paths that I can take and be somehow fulfilled (being an OFW blogger, perhaps?).

Honestly, there's nothing exciting as seeing your byline in a newspaper. There's that unexplainable sense of inner joy that's actually akin to seeing comments in my blog posts. No kidding.

Epilogue

Later on, I became an on-and-off contributor to now-defunct Diyaryo Filipino of the now-defunct Philippine Daily Globe. I wrote Tagalog feature articles mostly about theater arts.

That, my friends, is the story of my new-defunct dream.

Today is Friday. Friday in Saudi makes me think (and do) silly things. Like this one.



Pandesal is a favorite bread of most Filipinos. From a Spanish word pan de sal which literally means salt bread.


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I am lucky than most people of my age are. Both my parents are still alive and well. My mother Juanita is 68; my father Lamberto is 75.

This post is sort of an ode to Bert and Nita, and of the repository of wisdom my sister and I learned from them. (I'm sure in the end you will realize that our mothers and our fathers are no different. We, as children, learned similar wisdom).


My mother epitomizes the Ilocana's so-called 'kuripot' trait (the positive kuripot, I mean). She's good at saving money. In my first year in Saudi, she saved, to my surprise, all the remittances I sent her. We used the money to buy a small parcel of land.

Some of her favorite lines about savings include:

• Learn to save because you don't know what will happen to you tomorrow.
• You will not always have your job.
• Be content of what you have.
• Spend only for the necessary things.
• Never be extravagant.

My father is a president of a local farmer's group in our place, and as expected, he has various enemies ranging from influential landowners, pro-landowner government officials, and fellow farmers of other factions. No, he's not the type that goes to rallies. He's more of a mediator than an activist.

Five years ago, a wealthy landowner harassed my father with a legal case. Not used to any legal dramas, we were panicky about it and we begged our father to give up his position to someone else younger.

He delivered to me that line about 'ulan'. He also delivered to me the following lines:

• Why fear when you know you're in the right?
• Laging Diyos ang bahala sa akin.
• If I don't help them (the farmers), who will?
• Never, ever compromise when you know you're right.

My sister learned this the most. When one of her siblings refused to go to a new school, she said to me: Mahirap pala kapag matigas ang ulo ng anak mo. I just smiled at her. Of us, I am the most disciplined; my sister the hardheaded.

Elvie said: Now I know how difficult I must have been as a daughter.

She quit her job, embarrassingly joined her daughter inside the classroom and never left her side (literally), until her daughter acclimatized to her new surrounding. Today, Janine happily goes to school without Elvie. That episode taught me how great a mother Elvie is. I told her how I was proud of her for that. She said: If I don't stick with my daughter, who else will help her?

I told her: As to how difficult you were as a daughter, I guess you've paid your dues.

My mother sheepishly agreed. She said: No matter how difficult your children are, you never give up on them.

She also said:

• Children's happiness is also the mother's.
• There are really no difficult children to a patient mother.

By far, the greatest lesson I've learned from this life is that the most painful event that could happen to us, that which will leave us feeling empty in all eternity, is not being able to profess to our parents how much we love them and how much we cherish them and how much we are grateful of them -- of their wisdom, their character, their all.

Because we are because of them.


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Many years ago, I read somewhere that Isabel Allende, one of my most favorite novelists, writes this way:

In one particular night at a particular time, she lights a candle, and sits at her writing table waiting for the first sentence to come. Once it comes, the weaving never stops, resulting to magical and enthralling novels: The House of the Spirits, Paula, Daughter of Fortune, to name a few.

Today, I found Isabel Allende's website where she narrates:

"That day, January 8th, which is a sacred day for me, I come to my office very early in the morning, alone. I light some candles for the spirits and the muses. I meditate for a while. I always have fresh flowers and incense. And I open myself completely to this experience that begins in that moment...

I try to write the first sentence in a state of trance, as if somebody else was writing it through me. That first sentence usually determines the whole book. It's a door that opens into an unknown territory that I have to explore with my characters. And slowly as I write, the story seems to unfold itself, in spite of me. It just happens."

I wanted to be her. There was a period in my life when I did a similar ritual. Alone in our house, I turned off all the lights, lit a candle and sat in front of my typewriter, meditating. Nothing came but sleep. Sore.

I also wanted to be like Anne Tyler. I wanted to be like Gabriel Garcia Marquez.

You see, I'm an incorrigible dreamer. Until my mind is able to churn ideas (no matter how stale they are) and until I breathe my last, I will hold on to my dreams.

(I am also an incorrigible dramatic queen!).

Gaano kadali ang pagpaslang?
Sansaglit, at may nakitil nang buhay.
May punglo na humahagibis,
At may pag-asa na napapatid.

A stanza from Palanca-winning "Pagtindig" poem of Ma. Josephine Barrios.

Itching to find out if you're writing is worth a Palanca? Carlos Palanca Memorial Awards for Literature is now open and will accept submissions up to midnight of 30 April 2009.

Categories are open for English/Tagalog poetry, poetry written for children, essay, short story, short story for children, one-act play, full-length play. There are also categories for short story in Cebuano, Hiligaynon and Iluko.

Interested? Visit the Palanca website for more information.



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More than ten years ago, I remember listening to this same cut while gazed at the stars somewhere in the desert of Haradh; feeling forlorn yet hopeful. Today, I'm once again hearing the music while gazed at my computer; feeling forlorn and...blue? This is just a phase...just a phase...

After the rain - Andrew York

This post is off for comments.

What's up with me this Friday?

The usual.

Er, nothing.

Except...

These are the news headlines today I found in three different Philippine newspapers.

For kicks, I re-invented the captions.

"Convicted rapist and former Zamboanga del Norte congressman Romeo Jalosjos walked out of the National Bilibid Prisons (NBP) in Muntinlupa City Thursday." Jalosjos walks out of NBP by Marlon Ramos and Thea Alberto, Philippine Daily Inquirer. Posted 03/19/2009.

Tried and convicted; ran and elected. Eventhough I walk through the shadow of a rape case, I shall not fear; for the Filipino people will surely elect me once again. (Caption by Nebz).

"Pope Benedict XVI’s entourage sought Wednesday to defuse an international outcry over his denunciation of the use of condoms against AIDS as his remarks overshadowed his first trip to Africa." Pope’s condom remarks spark global outcry by Martine Nouaille (Agence France-Presse), Manila Standard Today. Posted 03/20/2009.

With or without. What do they want me to say? Use gloves when stealing? Or use a silencer if you were to shoot someone? (Caption by Nebz).

"Dr. Vicky Belo has dumped her current counsel Raymond Fortun for a better-looking lawyer. Fortun, Belo’s lawyer for the past five years, claimed he has received notice of termination of his services in favor of Adel Tamano, who will serve not only as the dermatologist’s counsel but her spokesperson as well." Belo hires lawyer with better looks by Non Alquitran and Mike Frialde, The Philippine Star. Updated 03/20/2009.

For Belo, beauty is. Fortun may be a bright lawyer but can you blame Belo if she opts for the more handsome Tamano. Fortun can always try Dr Calayan. Oopps. (Caption by Nebz).

Sadly, there are many more Fridays to come.

In Philippine culture, infidelities or extramarital relationships range from casual relationships to the keeping of a querida or paramour. Filipino terms referring to infidelity (include) pakikiapid or pangangalunya (used in legal and scholarly documents), paglalaro sa apoy (playing with fire), pamamangka sa dalawang ilog (rowing up two rivers), pagsusunong ng uling (carrying of burning charcoal), pangangaliwa (turning left or going against the expected direction), pagkulasisi or pangtsitsiks (catching chicks or birds), and pambababae (collecting women). Very interesting, huh.

That's from a study made by Father Ted Gonzales entitled The Filipino Context of Infidelity and Resilience which also offered, among other insightful information, the reasons why Filipinos men go astray: marital deficiency, status-affluence symbol, proof of masculinity, spouse inadequacy, mere pastime, loneliness (especially when abroad), peer pressure, influence of alcohol.

I don't know whether those excuses were before or after the infidelity is committed. Personally, on a closer look, I think these excuses center on husband's insatiability and wife's submissive attitude.

Pinoy, polygamous; Pinays, submissive

In Leonore Loeb Adler's book International perspectives on violence, she noted that Filipinos adhere to 'societal prescriptions' that Pinays are supposed to be feminine, modest, refine and demure and are expected to stay home, while Pinoys are taught to be masculine, strong, brawny and are given more freedom, resulting to "tolerance to male aggression".

At the early stage, we were already taught that women are men's possession, and not the other way around. This may well be the reason why we accept infidelity as normal, just a fling, and that sex outside of marriage is okay as long as we can afford it and we are not caught.

What's my take on the issue?

An article in Psychology Today reads: Everybody is unfaithful. It's normal, expectable behavior. But the truth is most people are faithful most of the time.

I believe that. I believe that Filipino men secretly wish to be honest and true although it is far easier to be unfaithful than to be loyal to the marriage. (More especially now that there is so much freedom in meeting other people through online means, I feel that infidelity is more open than before. If left unchecked, a mere friendship can turn into a sexual relationship).

A married relationship is always two-way and it involves lots and lots of sacrifices from both the husband and the wife. Remember the vows?

"I, _______, take you, ________, for my lawful wife/husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part."

Yes, I'm trying to be religious about marriage because I believe in its sanctity. I believe in the marriage vows, I believe in sacrifices and I believe in fidelity. In closing, let me share with you a reading from Gary Thomas' book Sacred Marriage.

"Consider the virtues I have recommended as necessary to a deep relation with your wife: patience, listening, humility, service, and faithful, tender love. I hope it is not heretical for me to claim that in his dealings with us, God acts in many ways like a woman.

Women are capable of and sometimes commit magnificent acts that manifest incredible power and awaken in us men a profound awe, if not fear and trembling. Yet when they love, they love quietly; they speak, as it were, in whispers, and we have to listen carefully, attentively, to hear their words of love and to know them.

Isn't God also this way?"

I believe it is.

Related reading:
On infidelity: Wives, think like a mistress!



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This post is a first of two series on relationships and on what my personal opinions are about infidelity. (Ha. I'm now into serializing my posts. San ka pa? Actually I thought the article was too long and since my last intent is to bore you, I thought I'd rather do it in series.)


Be a saint. Our mothers aspired us to be this and most wives, especially of OFW's, are secretly hoping their husbands would turn out to be, uh, saintly and faithful.

:: (The difference between being faithful and being loyal is this: you womanize but, at the end of the day, are home with your original wife and kids; that's being loyal. No matter how you wanted to, yet you never venture the anthill of infidelity; that's being faithful). ::

Given the chance however, we would rather sin than do good because sin is exciting, oh-so-good and enjoyable. Those stolen, illicit moments always leave us excited and wanting for more.

And for some reason, the more we claim to be saintly, the more we commit sin. You just don't know what sins I'm committing everyday...BUT, that shouldn't prevent me from imparting whatever little knowledge and resource I have on the issue. Take note, I said 'knowledge and resource', not experience (I'm single at 40 -- okay, 40 plus--, leading a strange life, and although I've been to a few, I'm not into any relationships now).

Here's my take on the issue.


That's the only to win the battle of infidelity. You have to learn how mistresses do it, why married men go illicit, and what clicks and what doesn't. Then use the knowledge to your advantage.

Refer to these pointers from BBC on being a mistress. It's a straight-talking article from someone who's been there and done that. In gist, the author said that a succesful mistress...:

Keep it light: Spend time in the effort (to) dress up, turn off your mobile phone, light candles, be in a good mood, make sure he has a good time (if he does, you will too).

Set ground rules: By setting the ground rules, even though a lot of them appear to be disempowering, you will in fact be calling the shots.

Never make phone calls: The big advantage of making him phone you is that when you do talk to each other it is because he wants to talk to you. He will have the time and the privacy, and hopefully nothing else on his mind. You can both enjoy the phone call without any strain or stress.

Never complain, never explain: Keep your own life, let it be quite clear that he is only a part of it.

Don't ask...

Keep the magic alive: Treat every date like one of the first dates. Be sweet, listen and sympathise. Be kind, don't gush, and give him the time for him to talk about that most fascinating of subjects - himself.

Get steamy: Have showers together, have baths together (but) keep all other bathroom activities behind closed doors.

Make a special effort. Exfoliate and moisturise regularly. If you want to be treated like something special, you must be special. If you can massage backs or feet or heads, so much the better. However, there is a difference between rubbing a back and giving a massage, and massage is a skill worth acquiring.

Has her own money: If you can afford to be self-financing, then you retain a lot of power in the relationship.

Never break crockeries.

That's the mistress talking. But wives, you can always get some pointers from her, right? Now that you know the things that make a mistress, you can perhaps apply some of the pointers to yourself. Perhaps, maybe, your man will be a little more saint and a little better husband.

It's as plain as that. No, actually it's not but I'd be discussing that in the second series of this post. Promise you'll be back.

Reading suggestion:
Pink Tarha's Queer Eye for the Wrong Guy. A funny read on types of Pinoy men here in Saudi.


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Honestly, I've been whiling away time doing nothing. Well actually it's not nothing. I've read all the posts about Project Twitch and I've seen the efforts of other Pinoy bloggers in helping out Yanah in her crisis. My prayers are with you, Yanah.

What I was actually doing was checking on YouTube and watching the videos of and about Ninoy and Cory Aquino.

If you have time, watch the following videos:

• Ninoy's speech in Los Angeles on February 15, 1981 (there were a total of nine videos but if you'll only take time to watch them you'll get a few laughs and a whole lot of lessons from Ninoy);
• Ninoy's last recorded telephone call with his friend Steve Psinakis (you will be surprised by the revelations you will hear on this short phone call);
• The very eloquent Tina Monzon Palma hosted a documentary on Ninoy's assassination (a very engrossing report);
• Cory Aquino's speech at the US Congress in September 1986.

I can't explain why I suddenly had the urge to watch them. Perhaps because I was looking for something related to modern-day Pinoy heroism. Because I thought the Pinoy bloggers' efforts to help Yanah is somehow a form of Filipino's inner heroism (kabayanihan).

Heroes in littlest of ways

When we control our urge to spend because we wanted to help a relative finish through school, isn't it heroism?

When we assist someone complete a remittance form because he can't write well, isn't it heroism? (If you have in your hands five to six remittance slips from five to six of your friends who have no time to go to remittance centers because they're off watching 'Tayong Dalawa', you are not a hero; you are a goffer -- and I hope you get a service fee from what you're doing).

On a bus, if we give our seat to an elderly, isn't it heroism? (If you give your seat to someone you like, not to someone who needs it, you're not a hero. You're something else not worth mentioning).

If you help someone without anyone else knowing it, isn't it heroism? (Helping others in lieu of popularity, just like how politicians do it, is not something to be proud of).

If we become an example of kindness to a young child, isn't it heroism?

If we find a stranger a good job, isn't it heroism? (It doesnt' count if you're into professional recruitment; it counts if you find a job for your needy relatives).

If, by your acts and words, you changed a foreigner's negative view of the Philippines to something good, hey, you're my hero! (Because, no matter what the world's perception is of the Philippines, our country is not a big prostitution den and it's people are not corrupt and thieves).

Heroism has no place and time. Heroism is every second, every day, anywhere. OFW or not, we all have the makings of a hero.

So, when was the last time you became a hero?

I firmly believe that in this age of consumerism and everything instant, there are still Filipinos out there who are untiring in their efforts to share a little of themselves to others through every means possible. I'm honored by those people.

And so...let's ask:



(RJ, Super Gulaman and Kenjie commented prior to my writing the mid-section of this post. Nothing. I just thought it's worth mentioning, that's all).

OFW's work, toil and labor, we remit our earnings to our family, we live, we breath. Like the rest of world, we ail, we feel, we hurt. The fact is: the saddest moment in an OFW's life abroad is when they get sick and no one is there to take care of them. Getting sick makes you feel more alone, depressed and wanting to go home.

My Pinoy friends in Saudi are no longer young and most of us, in late 30's and early 40's already frequent Saudi clinics as often as we go to laundry shops for our beddings (meaning, twice a month).

Here are our common ailments:

• Heart problem
• High blood pressure
• Diabetes
• High cholesterol
• Ashtma
• Rheumatism

You may ask: are our illnesses related to age? Funny, we believe it does, but surprisingly some reports claim otherwise. Surprised? I, too, am.

A longitudinal study on aging said that “aging is distinct from disease, and the effects of disease and aging are also distinct and specific.” The study claims that:

• our personalities change very little after age 30;
• people who are social, generous, goal oriented and emotionally stable (meaning aged) report higher levels of happiness and lower levels of depression throughout their lives;
• older people are as flexible as younger people (for they) can make lifestyle, dietary and household changes when necessary;
• although older adults usually face more health related challenges, they seem to be less stressed out

I tend to believe with the above findings. At least two of my friends are strictly watching their diet of fruits, vegetables and a little lesser meat, more on fish. Most of my friends are into tennis and bowling (yes, at early 40's). Another friend jogs everyday. Our fridge is always full of boxes of skimmed milk.

I realized that as we grow old (especially the OFWs), we tend to take care of ourselves more. We are more watchful of what we eat. We seriously, diligently take our vitamins and maintenance medicines. We are more conscious of our health.

That, I believe, is a perk we get in working abroad. What say you?




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Arab News, an English daily broadsheet newspaper in Saudi Arabia, reported that "two of the wealthiest and most successful Filipino women overseas have now declared that the Filipino working abroad will no longer be called by what they call demeaning acronyms, like “OCWs” (Overseas Contract Workers) or “OFWs” (Oversea Filipino Workers) but more respectfully referred to as 'Global Filipinos'.”

"What's in a name? that which we call a rose; by any other name would smell as sweet," Juliet said of Romeo in Shakespeare's play. In our case, that which we call OFW, by any other name would remain used, abused and prostituted. And yes, unprotected by the government and conned due to poverty as what happened to our kababayans in Doha.


Migrante Saudi Arabia reported that around 85 Filipinos landed jobs in Doha with fake contracts, and are therefore legally unprotected.

Out of the frying pan, into the fire. Another kababayans mercilessly fell prey to fraudulent recruitment agencies in Manila.

Update!

After reading the comment of The Pope below, I visited global Filipinos website and here's what I found:

Sidebar: Not a news, but still about OFWs
If you want to put in your sidebar the latest Philippines Daily Inquirer news on and about OFWs, here's how:

Sign in to your Blogger account, click Layout, add feed gadget (content from another RSS or Atom feed) and type in the following:

http://services.inquirer.net/rss/global_ofw_spotlight_spotlight.xml



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["But Jesus said, suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto Me: for of such is the Kingdom of Heaven." (Matthew 19:14) ..]

These two sites will well you up with pure emotions of pride and compassion for the children of the Philippines:

Dennis Villegas' Children of the River

Heart-wrenching photos of Filipino children whose lives are etched along the murky waters of Pasig River.

Efren Peñaflorida: CNN's Hero this week

Kuya Ef is a Filipino whose vision in life is to help in the education of Filipino children living in the slums. Amazing story of a modern day hero!

Whew! A mouthful of thoughts! But just the thought I have now. At this moment. Here.

Honestly, when I read these lines, I thought Skellie was in my head, talking. (I don't even know if Skellie is a person or the name of the organization she's managing. I don't even know if she's really a she.)

For more than a week, I've been tweaking, re-tweaking, finding that something that would appease me in my blog.

This is my problem: whenever I see a beautifully-designed website, I like to own it. Sigh.

Thus, I'm sharing with you my current wish list for my blog.

A layout similar to A List Apart. I tried creating test blogs with ALA's clean and oh-s0-smooth layout. Failed. But I am resolved to continue doing my hit-and-miss-and-miss-and-miss exercises until hopefully I get it (well, not the exact layout but the nearest look that my little knowledge can ever get into).



And somehow incorporate these beautifully designed wallpaper graphics I found from Veer.




And then incorporate a differently-designed blogroll (programmed to perform like Blogger's but without the -- what I personally call dreaded -- default fonts and spacing of Blogger blogroll).

Lately, I'm having extreme difficulties sleeping, thinking about these things. I am in really deep trouble, ain't I?

Previous posts related to this topic:

• Tried and tested blog design tips which I wrote on October 2008.
• When I blog, I covet is a post I wrote September last year which explains why my constant need to change. It's psychological, I think.
• I am my blog, er my constant attempts to be simple by doing the most complicated things imaginable.

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I asked another friend why The Filipino Channel (TFC) news programming seemed to be dealing too much on subjects like incestuous rapes, ranting rallyists, crimes, anything negative about the government, the Philippines, someone else, etc., like they seemed (to me) as drooling over things that put down Filipinos' sense of pride.

Then my friend said: would you watch it if they are positive in their news programming?

True: the gorier the headline is, the more people buy it. It's like we are enjoying every bit of information that narrates someone else's misery and misfortune. Isn't it cruel?

(Sidebar: Read Sardonyx's comic post about how headlines can take us for a ride).

Hence, in order for newspapers or tv programs to sell their goods, they would zero-in on the negative aspect of the news.

I remember a joke somewhat related to this.

One reported asked someone prominent (let's call him SP): Who's your favorite actor, Joseph Estrada or Fernando Poe Jr?
SP responded: Joseph?
The next day, the headline reads: SP hates FPJ, goes for Erap.

Twisted. We all are so twisted.

Confession: I sometimes take my anger in bed. Whenever I have an argument with someone, I would lie in bed playing countless scenes in my mind mainly about how I can get even or how I can take my revenge. So, so unhealthy.

At home, I had my (shameful) share of instilling a negativity bias to my niece. Five years ago, Jillian knocked over the bird cage by accident. Up until now I still remember how her face looked as I angrily pointed my finger at her: blank, frightened, sorry. And then she wailed. A five year old girl, wailing. How cruel can I get! I know that she'll forever remember that moment as her most painful encounter with her evil uncle. It really is shameful and I promised never to do it again. (Painfully, I still sometimes cuss and swear when I'm mad. I hate myself for doing that and I keep reminding myself to be a cool uncle, not a ranting kontrabida!).

A friend, just this morning, answered me back and when I asked him why he was bitching at me , he said: I'm just being you! That hurt me but I kept silent because deep inside I know it's true.

So I learned my lessons well. Don't be the cause of other people's negative bias and they'll never cause your's.

"That magic ratio is five to one."

A reading from Psychology Today on the same subject states that it takes five good deeds to erase a negativity bias that you caused someone.

Not big occasional positive steps but a frequent small positive experiences. That, the literature said, should tip the scales of negative bias toward happy, positive results.

Oh dear, I've a lot of work to do. And I've got to start soon.

In Saudi on a weekend, no Thursday passes without my taking a nap. Even in the office, during workdays at lunch breaks, I'd sneak inside the Conference Room to nap, with my old Nokia phone as my alarm clock.

Those moments are priceless!

No other literary figure had summed up the beauty of sleeping than William Shakespeare. In his Macbeth, he called sleeping as the thing...

• that knits up the ravelled sleave of care;
• the death of each day's life;
• a sore labour's bath;
• balm of hurt minds;
• chief nourisher in life's feast.

Sweet and cool.

In the same vein, I liken power naps to...

• a cold, quenching lemonade on a day's summer (sounds like a softdrink ad);
• short time-outs in this game called life (sounds like a Nike commercial);
• a visit to an old, familiar resting place (no, not the cemetery);
• an invigorating little pill, not jagged (inspired by Alanis' album);
• a bucketful of spinach for the world's Popeyes (whoever we/they are);
• a gasp of fresh air for a mid-day weary soul;
• a short poetic verse in the middle of chaos;
• a deep breath, a sigh.

Nowhere near Shakepeare's beautiful lines.

There is, we all must admit, a hidden power in taking a short nap. It freshens our soul, it invigorates our mind, it spikes up our spirit, and enables us to continue the day with exciting hope and vigor.

It lets us do better, think clearer and, in a lot of ways, can make us be a better person: a little pleasing, less displeased; a lot nicer, not as much upset.

(Here I am again wallowing in sheer boredom on a Friday. Since I woke up this morning, and after taking a very light breakfast of coffee and egg sandwich, I've been Buddha-sitting in front of my computer trying to find that inspiration for today's post).

So they are now trying to incorporate a second language subject (either English or French) in elementary schools in Saudi.

Supporters of the move said it's better to teach children English at a young age because 'they have a unique ability to build first-rate verbal processing skills'. Oppositions retort that this may impact a child's ability to learn their mother tongue.

You know what (Randy Jackson's favorite line in American Idol), I totally agree with both positions.

I remember in the Philippines when I was in grade school, we were not allowed to speak in Tagalog during our English subject, otherwise we would pay a five centavo fine for every Tagalog word we utter. Most of us would do sign language instead or just be silent for an hour unless spoken to by the teacher.

Correct me if I'm wrong but weren't we taught our first alphabets as EY-BEE-SEE-DEE-EEE-EF-GEE, not ABAKADAE?

Did this better our English proficiency? Maybe not. Maybe yes. But it surely didn't better our correct usage of Tagalog. We have so much taken Tagalog for granted that most us cringe when we read or hear someone speaking in proper Tagalog.

Napagtanto kong mali ang aking ginawa.

Instead, we would say:

Na-realize ko mali pala ko.

There's also an added concern that learning a foreign language (English, for example) at a young age would make children less committed of their identity and culture.

In the Philippines, correct me if I'm wrong, we regard lowly our kababayans who speak broken English (and why we call it English carabao bothers me so much). In Philippine media, there's this portrayal of English as being for rich people and tagalog for the poor. Tagalog news reporting (exclusive for tabloid newspapers) are baduy and English (for broadsheets) are elite.

Hence, maybe the move to exclude English in elementary schools in Saudi has a point.

What say you?


Saudi Gazette reports about the rising robbery cases in the Eastern Province of Saudi Arabia. (Saudi Arabia is divided in three regions: Eastern, Central and Western. Alkhobar and Dammam are in the East, Riyadh is in Central Region and Jeddah is in the West. I wonder where the Southern region is?).

And so times are now a-changing?

I used to feel Alkhobar (where I'm based) is more secured than Manila. Here, you don't encounter 'news' of theft, burglaries, snatchings or similar cases as much as being reported by TV Patrol, say for example, in Quiapo. Apparently, not anymore.

This news of rising crimes in the Eastern Province bothered me, particularly because we are helpless in such a situation. I've heard of reports from kabayans who were burglarized but remained silent because of fear.

You see, we expatriates in Saudi (especially Filipinos) dread any encounter with police authorities primarily because of language barrier. Most of them do not speak in English; most of us are poor in Arabic.

In general, we only get to meet Saudi police in a traffic violation or vehicular accidents.

That is why if the speed limit is 60kph in a traffic-less highway, we go 60kph regardless. Okay, maybe some us go beyond the limit but as much as possible, we, like meek lambs, always strictly follow regulations here in Saudi.

If caught speeding in the highways of Saudi, a driver languishes in jail for one day and a Saudi jail is not a pleasant place to be in. If in a vehicular accident, no matter how small the damage is, you have to wait for the police authorities so he could inspect your car and make his own report. We cannot get repairs for our cars outright because no car workshop will take your vehicle for repair without any police report.

What's my take on the issue? There's this forum on how safe Saudi is and you may be surprised how some expatriates regard Saudi as a safe place to be; restricted, but safe. I guess we'll just have to be extra careful and super vigilant. Accidents happen but they can always be prevented.

When I visited the Pope the other day -- not the one seated in Vatican but Pope the Pinoy blogger --, I read from one of his posts about the photos of Dennis Villegas entitled Manila Downtown: Street Sleepers (posted on 17 February 2009). With Mr Villegas' permission, I'm posting some of his photos here.

This was my first ever post on the internet (not in Blogger).

Title: Pentimento

On my ancient cellphone is the word ‘pentimento’. Most people, who are afraid to ask questions in pretense that it would degrade their educational achievements or demean their intellectual status (whatever it means), second-guessed the word as a code:

‘It’s a combination of two or even three words – names of his ex-ex perhaps.’

To few who have the courage to ask (I am in belief that there’s nothing demeaning in asking questions; in fact, it shows one’s interest and perhaps a manifestation of a want for growth), I always say that ‘pentimento’ is that image in a painting that was there before and now it’s gone because the artist decided to put something else in its place – a product of a changing mind – or something like that.

Dictionaries describe ‘pentimento’ as an underlying image in a painting, as an earlier painting, part of a painting, or original draft, that shows through, usually when the top layer of paint has become transparent with age.

My explanation was near enough.

I first came about the word in Lilian Hellman’s book ‘Pentimento’ -- that was 20 years ago. I even forgot what the book is all about. But the word stuck in me basically because I thought then that the word described me – my inner me, I mean -- my life; my ever-changing life – warts and all (incidentally, that was the title of my first ever blog, not in Blogger).

Years changed me in countless ways but I’m still that same person who smiles at a sight people in love, who’s smittened by a smiling baby, who craves for pansit canton or bihon, who cries and claps after a very good movie, who melts in front of my crush(es) (ask me no question, I'll tell you no lies), who lounges lifelessly in bed when there’s a good book to read.

I may have become more hmm...mature now but time and again, I still manifest the old me and I guess in every person, the old self can not really be erased permanently. We are all, in some degree, has a petimento.

Here now and going, going, gone. Until someone else notices the old painting within us.

When I signed up for Blogger, I didn't read the contents of its Terms of Service. I just clicked yes. Embarrassing! Yesterday, I revisited the text of the Blogger Terms and here are two interesting clauses I found:

"By their very nature, Blogger.com and Blogspot.com may carry offensive, harmful, inaccurate or otherwise inappropriate material, or in some cases, postings that have been mislabeled or are otherwise deceptive. We expect that you will use caution and common sense and exercise proper judgment when using Blogger.com and Blogspot.com."

"Google does not endorse, support, represent or guarantee the truthfulness, accuracy, or reliability of any communications posted via the Service or endorse any opinions expressed via the Service. You acknowledge that any reliance on material posted via the Service will be at your own risk."

We are therefore on our own. It's a freebie publishing! Or is it? Do we not have responsibilities as bloggers? If we have, then what are those responsibilities?

What other bloggers say?

Yesterday, I posted a topic in Blog Catalog and so far, only one commented on the question (oopps...there's two now; one from an Indonesian who is also just starting to blog).

Says CaptainD, a PC gaming blogger from the UK: "Your responsibility as a blogger is basically what you set for yourself - I think most of us try to be accurate and fair in whatever we blog about..."

For more responses, I, as usual, googled it and here are what I found.

Rebecca Blood of Rebecca's Pocket opined that "rights have associated responsibilities" and went on to list seven ethical standards in blogging.

Lorelle VanFosen of the Blog Herald said: "I like the idea of setting a standard with my blogging. I’m setting an example for others to follow on how to blog, how to comment, and how to network and establish relationships online...helping them understand the rules and guidelines about how to play in this new virtual sandbox."

When Tim O'Reilly and Wikipedia proposed the formulation of Bloggers Code of Conduct, Inquirer.net's Blog Addicts posted a question on whether (Pinoy) bloggers agree with the measure.

Shari of Misteryosa.com commented: "I think not. It just defeats the purpose of blogging. Especially personal blogging. The Blogger’s Disclaimer/Comment Policy should be enough for everyone. Setting a “standard/code” is just plain ludicrous. We all have our own way of dealing with hate comments...we all have our own meaning of “unacceptable content”. That being said, we should be responsible for what we say. But isn’t that already an “unwritten rule”?"

Martin Perez of Akomismo wrote a lengthier article on the subject. He said: "The code of conduct builds itself up through our interactions with our readers. That is why I find a general code of conduct unnecessary since all blogs have their own communities and develop their own norms anyway." He went on to quote Robert Fulghum's All I really need to know I learned in kindergarten and adapted the poem to blogging milieu.

What's my take on the issue?

Yes we do have responsibilities as bloggers. And yes, we should impose self-rule when we post in our blog.

Not because we label our blog 'personal' means our blog is only for private viewing. The truth is: it's not. Once you click publish, you allow the blogging world to read, know and judge you.

And not because we just merely wanted to express ourselves means we could write whatever we want without any consideration for others. The truth is: people read us and people react to what we say. We influence people by what we write; by the way we write.

I've had my own (huge) share of trash on the web and I'm still trying to learn my lessons.

Personally, as a newbie blogger, I believe my responsibilities are founded on the primary reasons why I blog:



For now, I'll use Google Blogging Terms as guide in writing my posts: I'll use caution and common sense and proper judgment. And yes, I'll try to keep in mind those basic things that I learned in grade school. (I'm one of those who skipped the kindergarten).

What is your say on the topic?